


A Trip Down Memory Lane

by ring_around_the_daisy (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean feeling Guilty, Lucifer taunting Dean, M/M, Memories, Self Loathing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-16 08:45:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5821897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ring_around_the_daisy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Lucifer possessing Castiel, he now has all of the angels memories which means he also has all of the times Dean has treated Castiel like shit. Wanting a bit of fun, Lucifer takes Dean on a trip down memory lane to revisit it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Trip Down Memory Lane

Lucifer was chuckling now as he stared down at Dean Winchester. The great Dean Winchester was on his knees, face bloody, and clutching to his sleeve while calling out Castiel's name. That was how he'd managed to break through the hold Naomi had on the angel before. That wasn't going to work this time, though. He had Castiel locked up nice and tight, completely unaware of what was going on. The angels grace was still recovering from being split for a spell so he wasn't at full strength and any fighting he did would feel like a tap to Lucifer. Hoping to get a bit more anguish out of the man, he stopped and put his hand along Dean's cheek and put on Castiel's demeanor. He healed Dean and saw the hunter relax, thinking that he'd broken through Lucifer's hold on Castiel. Then, right as Dean was getting up, he grabbed him by the hair and yanked his head back.

"I really had you going there, didn't I? Sorry, Dean. Castiel is long gone. There is no way you're reaching him this time." said Lucifer, a cruel sneer finding its way onto his face.

Dean's face crumpled all at once, the hope that had quickly built up in him now imploding at a heavy rate. Castiel was gone, he was really gone. Whether it was because Lucifer had him tucked away or had killed him, it didn't matter because Castiel was gone. That bastard. He shouldn't have said yes, shouldn't have made such a childish mistake. Tears pricked his eyes before running down his face, his eyes closing as he waited to be killed. That was what Lucifer wanted after all. He would know that the one person who would not stop until Lucifer was dead for good would be Dean Winchester.

"There's so much you don't know. I knew you were emotionally constipated for a while but it seems you're also extremely blind. You have missed every sign Castiel has given you. He betrayed his family, fell from heaven, and for what? To be berated constantly for every mistake he happened to make? He did so much for you and all you've done is beat him down in return. I don't think any of his memories consist of a thank you from the times he's saved you from certain death. He sacrificed everything for you and for what? So you could treat him like your heavenly bulldog to call on whenever you needed him? He really did choose the wrong human to give everything up for." said Lucifer, his smirk even more embedded on his face now. "You know what? This could be pretty fun to explore. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?"

Lucifer let go of Dean's hair before placing two fingers against Dean's forehead. The scenery around them became blurry before it cleared out again and found them in a barn, watching as two men held their guns ready as the roof shook hard. This was the first time Dean and Castiel met and was also the first time Dean started to show just how 'grateful' he was for everything he did.

"I assume you remember this place, right? It's where you two first met. Let's see how this love story starts off." said Lucifer before waving his hand and causing the memory to play.

_Dean clutched his rifle as the roof and walls of the barn started shaking. It felt almost like the place was going to collapse around them. Just when it seemed that the building was about to give in, the doors slammed open and a man started to walk through. He was in a suit and trench coat with a backwards blue tie. The lights above his head sparked and blew out right as he walked under them. Outside, lightening struck and thunder rumbled that only seemed to further cement the fact that what they had brought here was out of their pay grade. Still, he had to try to either kill it or at least slow it down. Pulling the trigger, he unloaded salt rounds into it while beside him Bobby shot silver bullets. Nothing seemed to have an affect on this thing, it just kept walking forward with an indifferent look on its face._

_When it got right up to Dean, it stopped and looked up at him with big blue eyes. The face was tan with a 5 o'clock shadow and his hair was truly unruly, the only thing he could liken it to was either bedhead or sex hair. This guy just looked rumpled in every possible way but the eyes were what held him. They were a brilliant blue but his focus was on what seemed to be hiding behind those eyes. They were focused solely on him, darting over his face as if to study him. It looked like behind his eyes there was a storm waging that threatened to spill to the surface at any moment. Despite his awe over the creature in front of him he still managed to remind himself that this wasn't human. If something wasn't human then it wasn't natural and didn't need to be on earth._

_"Who are you?" growled Dean, demon knife clutched tightly behind him._

_"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." said the creature. It's voice rumbled out like it had been through a wood chipper but it only seemed to add to the power he seemed to hold._

_"Yeah, thanks for that." said Dean before swiftly plunging the knife into the creatures chest._

_The creature, however, didn't react. All it did was look at him before looking down at the knife. Its hand came up and gripped the handle before pulling the knife out, all the time looking Dean straight in the eye. It dropped the knife and he heard the metal hit the ground with a slight clatter. At this point he was really scared. It had passed through everything, every ward, symbol, and trap. The salt and silver had no effect on it, it only seemed to make him twitch a bit as he walked forward. The demon knife was useless on it and now it was just staring at him with a bit of an electric charge to the storm hiding behind its eyes._

_Looking over, he saw Bobby coming up behind it with his rifle and intending to hit it. Without even missing a beat, the creature caught the rifle and bent it before turning around and placing two fingers on Bobby's forehead. Just like that, Bobby fell to the ground like a pound of bricks. Dean clutched the cart behind him as it turned around again to look him in the eyes._

_"We need to talk, Dean. Alone." said the creature, that same grinding voice coming out and sounding more like a command than a request._

_Once the creature had wandered over to the spell book, Dean ran over to Bobby and checked his pulse. He really hoped this thing hadn't killed Bobby. Bobby was like a father to him and probably the only solid thing he had in his life. While he loved his brother, it was always rocky with Sam. He never knew when he would make a wrong step and if that wrong step would cause Sam to run off again. Bobby, though, Bobby was solid as a mountain and had made it clear he was never leaving them, not for any reason._

_"Your friend is alive." said the creature, idly turning the pages in the book as it scanned over the text._

_"Who are you?" asked Dean, anger flaring up inside of him._

_"Castiel."_

_"I figured that much. I mean what are you." said Dean, trying to put as much anger into his voice and eyes as he possibly could._

_'Castiel' paused before looking over at Dean with a curious look on his face before he spoke. "I'm an angel of the lord."_

_Everything in Dean's mind seemed to just come to a screeching halt then. There was no way angels were real. He'd prayed and prayed when he was younger and no one had answered what he was sending out. Demons he could believe in seeing as how there was so much evil in this world but angels? That was stretching things even for him._

_"Get the hell out. There's no such thing." said Dean, getting to his feet and pointing to the entrance of the barn where the doors were still blown open._

_"That's your problem, Dean. You have no faith." said Castiel, pulling his hands away from the book and stepping towards Dean._

 

_A sudden blast of light shines on the back of the barn followed by numerous claps of thunder. Along the now illuminated barn wall there were shadows that slowly unfolded. They're in the shape of wings, they're in the shape of mother fucking wings. The wings continued to spread out until they were at their full span, fitting into the space the barn provided just perfectly. Awe spread over his face as he saw this but he quickly covered it, not wanting to let his guard down around this thing._

_"Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes." said Dean, anger once more center stage in his voice. Pamela was now blind and in ICU because of the thing standing in front of him._

_"I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be overwhelming for humans as can my true voice but you already knew that." said Castiel, taking a few small steps towards Dean._

_"Wait, the motel and the gas station? That was you talking? Buddy, next time lower the volume." said Dean, thinking back to how the second visit had nearly cost him his hearing._

_"My apologies. Certain people, special people can perceive my true visage and hear my true voice. I assumed that you would be one of those people. I was wrong." said Castiel, looking down with a slightly guilty look on his face._

_"And what visage are you in now? What...holy tax accountant?" asked Dean, not understanding why the angel had chosen this form to show up in._

_"Oh this....this is a vessel." said Castiel as he looked down at the body before focusing on Dean again._

_"You mean you're possessing some poor bastard?" said Dean as his stance hardened into one prepared for fighting._

_"He is a devout man, he actually prayed for this."  said Castiel, straightening up his posture._

_"Look, pal. I'm not buying what you're selling so who are you really." said Dean._

_"I told you." said Castiel as a slightly impatient look crossed over his face._

_"Right. So, why would an angel rescue me from hell?" asked Dean._

_"Good things do happen, Dean." said Castiel, maintaining eye contact with Dean still._

_"Not in my experience." choked out Dean, his voice barely slipping by his throat closing up._

_"What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved." said Castiel, first questioning before a look of understanding passed over his features._

_Dean's face twitched at that, him swallowing to try and dislodge the lump settled deep in his throat. It felt like it was going to choke him, like it was cutting off even his air. He still had to know the real reason why the angel had plucked him from the pit. It couldn't be just because he was special._

_"Why'd you do it?" asked Dean, now fighting hard to keep his cool._

_"Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you." said Castiel, the understanding look on his face going back to that of a warrior._

"And scene." said Lucifer as he paused the memory and looked over at Dean who just had a dumbfounded look on his face. "Well, now that we have the introductions out of the way why don't we skip to your first mistake." With a snap of his fingers the memory dissolved before rematerialising into another one, Dean blinking to bring everything into focus again. "Oh, this is gonna be a good one, I can tell." Lucifer's arms crossed and he chuckled before he let the memory start playing out.

 Dean sees himself back in that perfect little room with no exits. The table is laden with beer and bacon cheeseburgers and his younger self is once again brooding over how he is going to get out of this situation. He knows this memory well, had played it over in his head countless times when he was trying to convince himself that Cas wasn't working behind his back with Crowley. This had kept him moving forward because if Cas could do this to do the right thing then he wouldn't be working with a demon.

_Dean walks around the room, ready to pull his hair out. The whole plan was just revealed to him, how everything had been rigged from the start. There had never been a chance at stopping the apocalypse. It was going to start no matter what he did. His only role was in ending it once it started. He was supposed to be Michael's bitch and let him use his body to fight Lucifer and torch half the planet. Everything that he'd worked his whole life to preserve would be gone just for some huge pissing contest between the angels. He sent out a prayer to Cas asking him to come, thinking it would be a long shot with how things had turned out. He walked over to one of the accent tables and saw a ceramic angel there. Reaching his hand out, he tipped it over and watched as it fell and smashed to pieces on the floor. Just then the flap of wings got his attention and he turned around and saw Castiel standing there and looking at the smashed figurine curiously before meeting his gaze._

_"You asked to see me?" said Castiel, looking impassive as ever._

_"I need you to get me to Sam." said Dean, wanting to prevent his brother from doing this._

_"I can't do that. If there is anything else, though, I would be happy to help. I'm sorry." said Castiel, a small flash of regret showing in his eyes._

_Dean let out a huffed chuckle before taking a swing at the angel. His fist connected with the angels face and the most it did was hurt his hand. Turning around, he cradled the now bruised knuckles for a few seconds before turning around again to face him. "It's Armageddon, Cas. You need a better word than sorry."_

_"Dean, you have to understand. This was long foretold. It's you-" started Castiel before Dean cut him off._

_"Destiny? God's plan? Don't give me that holy crap. It's all just a bunch of lies you poor stupid son of a bitch. It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line. You know what's real? People, families. That's real. And you're gonna watch em all burn?" said Dean, his face for once truly showing what he was feeling. He was in shock now, unable to believe that the one angel he'd seen who actually cared about humanity was now going to watch as it all got flushed down the toilet._

_"What is so worth saving?" protested Castiel, "I see nothing but pain here. I see inside of you, Dean. I see your guilt, your anger, your confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace...even with Sam." The wide blue eyes were trying desperately to show Dean that what he was saying was true. That Dean deserved to feel peace for once in his existence and that this wouldn't be a bad thing. No more pain would exist and Dean could simply be without worrying._

_Dean saw Cas looking away from him and he caught his gaze again and held it before he began to speak. "You can take your peace and you can show it up your lily white ass. Because I'll take the pain and the guilt. Hell, I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cas. No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here and you know it." He saw Castiel turning away from him and that only sparked a new flood of rage. He grabbed a hold of the angels shoulder and forcibly turned him back around. "Look at me! You know it! And you were going to help me once, weren't you? You were going to warn me about all of this before they dragged you back to bible camp. Help me now, please."_

_"What would you have me do?" asked Castiel after a small pause._

_"Get me to Sam...before it's too late." said Dean, desperation filling his voice._

_"I do that and we will all be hunted...we'll all be killed!" said Castiel as he struggled against his very own hardwiring._

_"If there is anything worth dying for....this is it." said Dean, hoping that this would finally convince Castiel. When all the angel did was look at him before softly shaking his head, Dean had had enough. "You spineless, soulless son of a bitch. What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done." Dean heard Castiel start to say something but he cut him off before he could get the first word fully out. "We're done." After that, the sound of wings flapping told him the angel had left._

 

Lucifer paused the scene there and looked over at Dean. "You know, I do have to admire your conviction here. At this point, you were still a hero. You still had what it took to save the world. Now, though....you're just a sack of emotions who is too tired to even fake them anymore. Hardly anyone that could take me on a second time and live through it. You don't have Sam's body being possessed to save you now. All you have in your corner is a pathetic angel who wasted his life saving yours. This was the moment he ultimately chose you over everything else he knew. He changed his existence forever here and you didn't even know it." Dean avoided eye contact with Lucifer as he knew it was true. This had been the deciding moment in everything. It had been where Cas had chosen him and humanity over heaven and his family. His attention was directed back to the scene when it started to play again.

_Dean looked behind him just to make sure Castiel as truly gone. He only confirmed what the wing beats had told him, that the angel had left and made his decision. Dean was in this alone and that fact made it feel like ice shards were piercing his heart. He closed his eyes tight to avoid crying and shook his head slightly before taking a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, they landed on the bacon cheeseburgers that were still hot and sitting in the giant bowl. Walking over, he grabbed one and was about to take a bite when something grabbed him and pushed him against the wall. After a few seconds of being stunned he saw it was Castiel. He tried to ask what he was doing but before he could get a word out the angel had his hand over his mouth and was fixing him with the most heated stare. It went straight through him and his body automatically relaxed, submitting to the power in front of him._

_Castiel kept that gaze as he pulled Dean's knife out from his pants and placed the tip against his chin. The thought that Castiel was actually going to kill him passed through his head before the angel stepped back and instead sliced his arm. Blood flowed freely and he dipped his fingers into it before painting a sigil on the wall. When he was nearly finished with it, Zachariah appeared and demanded to know what Castiel was doing. Just as Zachariah was heading towards him Castiel's hand slapped on the symbol and sent the angel away._

_"He won't be gone long. We have to find Sam now." said Castiel, his voice panicked. He handed Dean the blood soaked knife back before letting is hand fall back to his side._

_"Okay. Where is he?" asked Dean, taking the knife and tucking it into his pants despite the blood covering it._

_"I don't know but I know who does. We have to stop him, Dean...from killing Lilith." said Castiel._

_"But Lilith's gonna break the final seal...?" said Dean, confusion flooding both his face and voice._

_"Lilith is the final seal. She dies and the end begins." said Castiel as he finally let the panic he was feel leak into his eyes._

_Dean felt Castiel grip his shoulder before flying him into Chuck's house. The prophet in question was on the phone and it sounded like he was talking to a brothel._

_"This isn't supposed to happen....Wait, lady, this is definitely supposed to happen. I just need to call you back." said Chuck before hanging up and looking at the pair in shock. They'd obviously gotten off book finally and surprised the prophet for the first time since they'd met._

_Dean stepped forward and crowded into Chuck's space, knowing the best way to get information out of him was to intimidate. "Where's Sam?" Quickly, Chuck handed over the manuscript he'd been working on and Dean began leafing through it. "St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?"_

_"Yeah, but you're not supposed to be there. You're not in this story." said Chuck, sounding like his whole reality was falling apart again._

_"Yeah, well....we're kind of making it up as we go along." said Castiel as he fixed Chuck with a steely look. This made Dean falter a bit as he looked at Castiel with awe in his face. That was promptly cut off by the electricity glitching and the house starting to shake._

_"Ah, crap. Not again!" said Chuck as he went to shield his head from falling debris._

_"It's the archangel! I'll hold them off, I'll hold them all off! You stop Sam!" yelled Castiel so he could be heard over everything breaking. He touched two fingers to Dean's head and he disappeared._

 

"Now, let's take a few moments to reflect here. This is a seraph who, while trained for war, is no match for an archangel. He just said he was willing to hold them off so you could go stop your brother which we already know you didn't. After this, Raphael makes Castiel explode marking the first time he died for you. This was probably the start of you not being grateful for anything he did. I searched all of your memories and none of them included a thank you to him for what he sacrificed for you to get to Sam. What a way to pay someone back, Dean." said Lucifer as a cruel grin spread across his face.

Dean knew he was right. He never had thanked Castiel for what he sacrificed that night. Castiel had rebelled against everything he ever knew for Dean and Dean had never even acknowledged it. The scene once more changed around him till they were standing in a hospital room. He remembered this memory. It was the one where Bobby had just learned he couldn't walk again and Castiel had come to talk with them. Castiel hadn't been able to heal Bobby because he was cut off from heaven and then not too long after he'd bitten into Dean since Dean had the nerve to snap at him. Dean didn't blame him now but it had made him angry at the time.

 

_Dean heard the whoosh sound that signaled an angel having flown in. He turned and saw Castiel standing at the entrance to the room. Relief flooded over him at seeing the angel again. The last time he had seen him had been in the middle of Zachariah torturing them so Dean would say yes to Michael. Dean had continued to say no and the torture only got worse. Castiel had popped in at the right time and had scared Zachariah into healing them before fleeing. They'd gotten the enochian symbols branded on their ribs before Castiel had left again, saying he wasn't safe._

_"Well, get healing." said Bobby who was now facing the angel in his wheelchair. Bobby had gotten even more irritable than usual since being told he couldn't walk again. That was another thing Zachariah had threatened. He'd said that if Dean said yes he'd heal Bobby but if he said no then Bobby would never be able to walk again. It seemed like they had followed through with that threat completely._

_"I can't. I'm cut off from the host. I can still fly but I can't do much else." said Castiel, frowning._

_"Wait, are you saying your batteries are dead?" questioned Dean, not wanting to believe what Castiel was saying._

_"Yes, I don't have much time. We need to talk." said Castiel, walking up really close to Dean and once again ignoring what Dean had tried to tell him about personal space._

_"Okay." said Dean, a look of confusion passing over his features._

_"Your plan to kill Lucifer-" started Castiel before Dean cut him off._

_"Yeah, you want to help?" asked Dean, a bit of hope leaking into his voice._

_"No, it's foolish. It can't be done." said Castiel_

"Have to say I agree with him." said Lucifer, a wicked smile spreading across his new vessel's features. Dean resisted the urge to punch that smirk right off the angels face. It would do no good, it would only get him beat up again before this trip inside his head resumed. 

_"Oh, well thanks for the support." said Dean sarcastically._

_"But I believe I have the solution. There is someone besides Michael strong enough to take on Lucifer, strong enough to stop the apocalypse." said Castiel._

_"Who's that?" questioned Sam._

_"The one who resurrected me and put you on that airplane. The one who began everything. God, I'm gonna find God." said Castiel, hope shining in his eyes._

"Well, we know how well that turned out." muttered Lucifer. Dean gave him a long stare before turning back to the memory.

_"God?" asked Dean._

_"Yes." said Castiel._

_"God?" Honestly, Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. God never did anything for anyone. It didn't seem like he would do anything now when he hadn't before. He seemed like a behind the scenes kind of guy._

_"Yes. He isn't in heaven so he has to be somewhere." said Castiel, exasperation leaking into his voice._

_"Try New Mexico. I hear he's on a tortilla." said Dean, a fake smile plastered across his face._

_"No, he isn't on any flatbread." said Castiel, a look of genuine confusion on his face._

_"Look, chuckles. If there even is a God, he is either dead, and that's the generous theory, or-" started Dean._

_"He is out there Dean." stated Castiel._

_"OR he's up and kicking and doesn't give a rats ass about any of us." Dean saw the hurt pass over Castiel's face but he ignored it, knowing this needed to be said. "I mean, look around you man. The word is in the toilet. We are literally at the end of days here and he's off somewhere drinking booz out of a coconut, alright."_

_"Enough! This is not a theological issue, it's strategic. With God's help, we can win." said Castiel, his jaw set._

_"It's a pipe dream, Cas." said Dean._

_"I killed two angels this week. Some of my brothers. I'm hunted, I rebelled and I did it, all of it, for you and you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world. I lost everything, for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself." said Castiel, getting in Dean's face and grinding his words out. There was a fire in his eyes that Dean hadn't seen for months, one that spoke of passion and determination and true anger. It honestly scared Dean a little but he schooled his features to not betray that feeling of fear blooming in his chest._

"Okay, let's stop it right there." said Lucifer pausing the memory. "At this moment we can see another thing coming to light. Castiel has just trusted you to save everything and you failed, obviously. Yet, you still have the nerve to argue with him about something like this. Oh, yes, that sounds like someone who appreciates the sacrifices this person made for them." Lucifer's voice was taunting now as he turned on Dean and shook his head. "For all of Castiel's intelligence he put all his bets on you guys and that I will never understand. Well, he put his bets on you. Sam is the one who came through in the end, you just letting yourself get beaten to a bloody pulp. That's because you're weak, right? Because you'd rather let yourself get beaten to death than to stand up for yourself. I'm surprised that self loathing of yours hasn't been your final undoing. It's pathetic, really."

Dean just swallowed as he stared at Lucifer. He could make a bunch of protests here, say that for all his faults he still managed to do a hell of a lot of good in this world. That he worked to save people and preserve the very thing Lucifer continually seeks to destroy. He could go on a rant about how when this was over he would find a way to kill Lucifer once and for all, that he would have the last laugh when Lucifer was lying on the ground with his wings burned into the area around him. Still, he kept his mouth shut. If there was one thing he'd learned about this guy it was that the more you played into him the more joy he got from it and the deeper he would sink his claws. Silence was your best bet to getting out of this with your sanity.

"Going for the silent treatment now are we? Very well. Not like I really need you to talk. Just watching your face is enough payoff for me right now." said Lucifer as the scene around them changed and a new memory surfaced.

_Dean was in the panic room, having been locked in by Sam and Bobby. He'd been about to say yes to Michael and they were making sure he couldn't. He knew Castiel would be the one to check on him so he knocked some things over, planning to make a scene so Castiel would come inside. The blood sigil was already drawn on the cabinet door just waiting for him to slap his hand on it and send Castiel bouncing to another part of the Earth. The sound of footsteps raised his suspicions that Castiel would be the one to check on him, the slat opening and Castiel's voice coming through confirming it._

_"Dean?" asked Castiel as he peaked close to the grate, trying to see inside as far as he could. He turned the lock on the giant door and opened it and stepped inside and looked around._

_"Cas." said Dean before slamming the cabinet door shut. His hand slapped the metal and sent the angel somewhere far away, giving Dean time to do what needed to be done. He quickly ran out of the panic room door, put his jacket on, and climbed through the cellar opening to the outside. The keys to the impala were still in his jacket pocket so he quickly jumped in and started the car before roaring off. Castiel couldn't find out his location because of the symbols on his ribs. They hid him from every angel, even Castiel. Right now that was a crucial part of his plan._

_He drove until he found a man with a bible preaching about God. He was saying how the angels were talking to him. That was enough for Dean and he walked up to the man. "Hey, I'm Dean Winchester. Do you know who I am?" The mans eyes widened in a mix of shock and fear before he basically yelled 'Dear God'. "I'll take that as a yes. Listen to me, I need you to pray to your angel buddies and let them know that I'm here."_

_The man immediately dropped to his knees and started to loudly pray, his head thrown back and his hands resting against each other. Almost immediately he heard the sound of wings but instead of one of Michael's cronies he saw Castiel. "You pray too loud." said the angel as he touched two fingers to the mans neck and caused him to pass out. The next thing Dean knew he was being shoved against the alley wall, Castiel in his face and looking positively murderous._

_"What are you, crazy?" said Dean, trying to push him away but it being about as effective as if he were pushing against a brick wall. He was soon thrown against another wall via a punch and he stumbled back in shock._

_"I rebelled for this?" yelled Castiel, punching Dean again and throwing him against the opposite wall. "So you could surrender to them?" More punches were thrown to Dean's body, the angel only holding back enough so that he didn't kill the man in front of him. Castiel wanted to cause Dean pain, not his death._

_"Please!" begged Dean, not really sure what he was begging for at this point. He was slammed against the wall again, his head knocking against it hard enough to stun him._

_"I gave everything for you....and this is what you give to me?!"  Castiel yanked him back again and punched him before kicking him hard enough in the chest to send him flying back into the fence behind him. Slowly, the angel walked up to Dean's crumpled form and stood over him, fists clenched and visibly shaking with rage._

_Dean struggled to his hands and knees, working through the pain that threatened to overwhelm him. Nothing was broken but everything hurt and blood spilled past his lips when he opened his mouth. "Do it. Just do it!" Dean wanted to die, he wanted it to all be over._

_Castiel stared down at him before slowly unclenching his fist and relaxing his stance. He walked forward and tapped Dean on the shoulder and then the memory went black._

"Wow. He literally sacrificed everything for you and you were still willing to throw it all away? Great way to repay him. Bravo." said Lucifer while clapping his hands. Dean could feel the guilt from that action of his from over five years ago building in his stomach again. They'd only gone through four memories at this point and he knew there were a whole lot more left. He'd let Cas down more times than he could count and Lucifer was going to make him relive each and every one of those moments. This was already worse than being beaten to a bloody pulp. This was dredging up all of those old feelings and putting them in his face again, reminding him that he treated his friend like a piece of shit, that he had never said thank you or cut him slack. "Okay, I get it. I treated him like crap. I understand. Can we just...leave this?" Lucifer let out a long laugh at that, making a show of brushing a nonexistent tear from his eye. "Nope, sorry. I'm going to destroy you with your own memories. The best part of this is I don't even have to do anything other than let a playback happen. It's almost poetic, you know?"

The scene around them then switched to Stull cemetery where the big prize fight that wasn't went down. Dean was once again staring at himself in a still, the memory not yet set to play. He remembered this part very well. He'd been wanting five minutes to talk to Sam and to give him that, Castiel had molotoved Michael. Shortly after that act of defiance he ended up being killed by Lucifer via explosion. That time Dean was sure Cas was not going to come back again. The memory began playing and he watched it, being forced to relive that pain of that moment once again.

_Dean drove the impala into the cemetery, one of his tapes playing classic rock that rang throughout the car. He had a determined look on his face. He knew what he was getting into here and that he most likely wouldn't get out of it alive. He didn't care, though. If Sam was going to die then he wasn't going to die alone. Not if Dean had anything to say about it. He parked the car right in front of the two angels and pulled the keys out of the ignition and letting them drop into his jacket pocket. The door creaked as he got out of the car and leaned against the roof, looking between Michael and Lucifer._

_"Howdy fellas. Am I interrupting something?" said Dean, falling back on his old tactic of being a smart ass when confronted with emotions. "Hey, we need to talk."  
_

_"Dean, even for you....this is a whole new mountain of stupid." said Lucifer, shaking his head. A smug look was there that looked so wrong on Sam's body, an expression his brother would never make._

_"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Sam." said Dean, wanting desperately to just say goodbye to Sam. They could smite him, torture him, anything as long as he could say goodbye to Sam._

_"Dean, you're no longer the vessel. You got no right to be here." said Michael, shaking his head with a nauseatingly sympathetic look on his face._

_"Adam, if you're in there I am so sorry." said Dean, hoping he was reaching the boy he'd failed to protect. He'd gone for Sam first like always and Adam hadn't made it out of the room, Michael roping him in even before he could protest._

_"Adam isn't home right now." said Michael, his moment of sympathy gone and his gaze going cold._

_"Well, you're next on my list buttercup but now I need five minutes with him." said Dean, his gaze turning to Lucifer once more._

_"You little maggot. You are no longer a part of this story!" said Michael as he advanced on Dean._

_"Hey, assbutt!" came a gravelly voice. Dean turned and saw Castiel standing there with a bottle of oil and a rag inside of it that was just burning at the tip. The bottle was thrown forward and landed squarely on Michael's chest, soon engulfing the archangel in holy fire. There was a scream of pain that seemed to shake the Earth around them before Michael disappeared. Looking over at Castiel, Dean took a moment to process what just happened before the first thing that came to his mind fell out of his mouth. "Assbutt?" In response, Castiel just nodded and caught the breath he didn't need. "He'll be back and upset but you got your five minutes."_

_"Castiel. Did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?" asked Lucifer, his voice deadly calm._

_"Uh...no." said Castiel, backing away slowly and his body shaking with nerves._

_"No one dicks with Michael but me." said Lucifer before snapping his fingers. At the moment Lucifer's fingers snapped Castiel exploded, his whole body splattering against the trees and grass around him. Some of the blood even ended up on Bobby who was standing nearby. Dean felt his heart break then. Castiel had once again died for him and it looked like he wouldn't be getting a do over from God again._

The memory stopped right there and Lucifer stepped closer to Dean. "I never understood why the best insult he could think up right there was assbutt. That's not really what's important about this memory, though. This is just one of the many memories where Castiel died for you. When he comes back later you don't even thank him for what he did for you. You sure are one great friend, Dean." Dean clenched his jaw and looked away from Lucifer, trying to fight back the urge to cry. He wasn't going to shed tears in front of the devil, he wasn't broken enough to do that yet. He might be holding on by a thread but he had some dignity left.


End file.
